My Sweet
by Books and Chocolate
Summary: For once in her life, he hated her. And he hated her with every fiber of his being.
1. Chapter 1

**My Sweet**

_Summary: As much as she had hated him in years' past, she loved him achingly now. But for the first time, he hated her. He hated her with every fiber of his being. And all because of a stupid decision. But that was the thing about love. It was easy to start, hard to end. Like war…_

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

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For once in her life, he hated her.

The loath and abhorrence that burned unfathomable in his hazel eyes never once hit her as coldly as it did that first day. The first day, she was sure of it now, had been the absolute worst. Even though she was particularly shaken up herself, he had been angry, uncontrollably incensed, unforgiving, and fuming. His entire body, especially his eyes, had trained themselves to ignore her. They said, "You're not wanted here." And for the moment, she knew she deserved it.

Even his best friends no longer talked to her anymore, or, if they did, like saying a quick hello in the corridor or the Great Hall, it was rushed, strained, and cold. Like a slap in the face. Every time she saw them, she felt about a million times worse, and she always had to swallow the bile in her throat when she thought of how this didn't just affect her and…him; it effected his friends as well.

And she almost missed them as much as she missed him. His friends, even though voluntarily bothersome at most times, could be saccharine and mature.

But she didn't care about them. Not now, anyway. His friends meant nothing to her if she couldn't be with him. She never thought she would ever find herself saying this, but she needed him back-- wanted him back so badly, she shook with the ache that was spreading through her, and all the time now, she needed refuge, and she needed it soon.

She hadn't cried since it happened. Not once. She only had been tacit, hadn't used her voice in what felt like forever, and her friends had slipped away too.

And didn't he think how unfair this was to her? If he would just talk to her, then maybe he'd understand. It wasn't as if she'd…

Oh, damn.

McGonagall was standing right behind her; she could feel those cold eyes burn into the back of her neck. She could feel their professor strain over, catching one or two of the words she had written on the paper:

_I love you I love you I love you I love you I love--_

"Miss Evans," McGonagall began, but was suddenly caught off guard by a shriek from behind-- one of Lily's old best friends had jumped out of her chair and ran behind McGonagall. It seemed that Sirius Black had turned his worm into a fifteen-foot snake, coiled in a heap on the desk. He was grinning his lop-sided smile, giving the professor an innocent look that only meant to mean that it had been a mere accident.

Yeah, right.

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Later, the seventh years were outdoors enjoying the sun and the clear skies, talking and laughing and fooling around.

But one girl, a certain girl with startling green eyes and thick, rich, auburn hair hung back, sitting beside the big rock, and laid her school things about her.

Across the field, she could see him-- James, the one who had given her so much hell in the last few weeks, the boy that had finally showed--

No.

She wouldn't go there.

She swallowed the tightness in her throat, and bent to fix a correction on her Ancient Runes paper, when she heard a scream, a gale of laughter, and felt the ground shudder slightly.

She looked up, and gasped: James, the complete dolt, had Severus Snape spinning around in the air, looking bored and faking a yawn while Peter, Remus, Sirius, and a bunch of other students laughed and cheered.

She didn't care if they weren't on speaking terms. She didn't care if he hated every ounce of her entire being. She didn't care if he never spoke to her again; the chances weren't good, even now, but there was no way that she would let him treat Severus like that; even though she and Snape weren't on speaking terms, she still felt sorry for him.

So she grabbed her wand and her bag, shoved everything inside, and stormed over there. She pushed her way through the crowd, and saw Snape still whirling through the air, looking green and dizzy.

"Stop!" she cried, shoving her way over to James, letting her bag slide off her shoulder.

He looked at her, clenched his fists, and turned to look at his mates, who had gotten up and stood behind him. They weren't too close, but just the way they had themselves lined up, it almost seemed as if they'd practice this about a million times. Her stomach turned over.

_They don't trust me,_ she thought, her heart sinking and her throat tightening,_ they don't trust me alone with him-- or almost alone, anyway. _

"You can back off," she said coldly, her wand trembling as she held it out in front of her, "I'm not going to do anything to him, and I don't want to."

They looked ambiguous, and almost taken aback. James looked at them, and nodded with his head for them to stay out of this. They sat underneath the tree, but their eyes never left her.

She disregarded them.

"Put him down! You can't treat him like that!" she said, placing a hand on her hip.

"Oh yeah?" he asked acidly, "watch me."

He made to say another jinx, but Lily beat him to it.

"_Protego_!" she cried, and a red jet of light hit James's blue ray, and sent it towards a tree. Splinters and bark flew from the tree trunk on impact.

"I suggest you leave," he said, his voice low. "It doesn't always do to meddle in another's business. I learned that the hard way."

His comment stung her worse than any thing she had gone through in the last six-and-a-half years of her time at Hogwarts. Didn't he realize that she was lamenting over her mistake as well? She wanted to say something back, but swallowed the words. Instead, she got back to the original topic of discussion.

"No," she said, standing her ground. "Not until you leave him alone and put him down! You think you're better than everyone else! He's done nothing to you!"

He merely looked amused all the while, and when she turned away, frustrated and put-down, she heard a yell, and an outburst of laughter.

She spun around.

Severus was lying on the ground, drizzles of vomit sliding out of his mouth, and James and his friends were laughing so hard they were rolling on the ground.

"You-- you… oh my-- how could you…" She didn't even know what to say. Instead, she ran to Severus, and took a hanky out of her pocket, and helped him sit up.

"I'm sorry about that," she whispered as she wiped off his mouth like a mother would do to a child.

He said nothing, just looked at James with such a hate that Lily had to look away.

"Severus…" she began, but he stood up, brushed himself off, and grabbed his things from the ground.

She looked away, sighing, and stood up, too.

"Look," she started, wanting to try a different approach, "I'm not contagious, or anything--"

"And yet," he said, his lip curling, "you have the Potter mark on you. Just because most people think I'm a slimy, greasy wart, doesn't mean I don't know who you associate yourself with."

He left.

She raised a shaking hand to her forehead.

Behind her, the students had broken up into their groups, and went back to their respectable places.

She caught one last look at James.

Oh, how she regretted everything she'd done! Why had she been so completely stupid?

She turned away again, and wiped a tear from her eye. She was tired and frustrated and angry at herself, and she wanted to go to bed, and hopefully her dreams would let her forget, at least this one night.

"Hey, Lily?" James called from behind her.

Hope sprouted in her chest. Were they going to let bygones be bygones?

"You forgot your books."

He shoved past her with his friends, and they left her standing there, alone, friendless, heartbroken, crying for herself. She knew that he had seen the hope in her eyes, and she almost didn't blame him for laughing at her.

But that, of course, she thought, bending down to pick up her things, was a big fat no.


	2. Chapter 2

**My Sweet**

_Summary: As much as she had hated him in years' past, she loved him achingly now. But for the first time, he hated her. He hated her with every fiber of his being. And all because of a stupid decision. But that was the thing about love. It was easy to start, hard to end. Like war…_

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

&&&

Pressing her fingers over her eyelids and taking a deep breath, Lily fought off the images of what had happened for the umpteenth time that day. She was sitting in the library, numerous amounts of books spread out before her, but she paid no attention to the small print and moving pictures.

She let out a frustrated sigh, and opened her eyes.

The library was crowded today, that was for sure. Pages and parchment rustled periodically, and quills scratched unceremoniously, and seemed louder, to Lily, than it really was.

But she was getting a headache. It felt like one, anyway. Her temples throbbed, and her vision blurred every other time she blinked.

Then, suddenly, as if she had no control, the Event came rushing back to her, and this time, she couldn't stop it.

_&&&_

"_Lily, come on," James said, tugging on her upper arm, wearing that trademark lop-sided grin._

"_I don't even know why I bother," she sighed, shooting a look over at Sirius and Peter, who were in a heated game of Wizard's Chess._

_Remus, who was reading close by, looked up and grinned._

"_You know, I'm beginning to think you forced her to go out with you, Prongs," he said, giving Lily an apologetic grin._

_James gave Remus an effective, but prude, hand gesture, which sent Sirius into a fit of chuckles._

_Remus pretended to look hurt, and pressed his hand over his heart._

"_I thought we were passed things like that," he said tearfully._

_Lily smiled._

"_Okay, okay, let's go. If Remus begins to cry then I'll be forced into a state of laughter which will not be easily escapable," she said, smirking._

_James grinned, and ruffled his jet-black messy locks of hair. His hazel eyes were bright._

"_Okay, one second," he told her. "Just wait for me out there. I'll be out, then."_

"_Fine," Lily huffed, and stuck out her tongue at Sirius when pretended to cry._

_As soon as she stepped out of the portrait hole, and sat down on the bottom step, she heard a noise._

"_Psst!" _

_She looked around wildly._

"_Hello?" she called._

"_Psst!"_

_She stood up._

"_Okay, pervert, whatever is it you want, you'd better--"_

"_Lily!" _

"_What?" she hissed, then regained her composure. She looked around again._

"_Over here," the voice called._

_She followed the direction of the voice._

"_Hello, Evans."_

"_What the hell are you doing here? Past curfew?" she added, looking up at the handsome figure._

"_I could ask you the same thing."_

"_Cut it out," she said sternly, crossing her arms over her chest._

"_Come here," he grabbed her arm, and pushed her against the wall. _

"_What are you doing?" she hissed, trying to break away from him._

_He was unbuttoning her cotton blouse, and kissed her neck fervently. She shivered, his touch frighteningly painful._

"_Stop it!" She tried to pull away, but his grip was stronger than hers._

"_Thomas-- stop. I have a boyfriend."_

"_What happened to us?" he asked, kissing along her jawbone._

"_You cheated on--" she stopped dead. James's voice reached her ears. He was calling for her, and he was getting closer._

"_You sick bastard! How could you?" she sobbed, realizing what he was up to, and she shoved him away, but he held her tight._

"_St--" but before she could finish her sentence, his lips were on hers._

No, _she thought, as the footsteps stopped. She felt her eyes burn. _No, no, no…

_A sharp intake of breath._

_Thomas pulled away, smirking._

"_Lily?" James's voice sounded confused._

"_James! Please, this isn't what it looks like!" she tried to say. The tears were already coming, and she couldn't breathe._

_James looked at her messy hair, red lips, and open blouse._

_He scoffed._

_But he looked hurt. _

"_Lily? How-- why?" he asked, sounding close to tears._

"_No! Please!" she said._

_But James turned away, hearing, and seeing, enough. _

"_Please don't walk away from me!" she sobbed._

_He turned to look at her._

"_You already did it to me. This'll just even things out."_

_He walked away._

_She let out a noise between a scream and a sob._

"_You bastard!" she said._

_Thomas grinned at her._

"_See you around, Evans."_

"_I hate you!" she sobbed, sliding down the wall. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"_

_She covered her head with her hands and sobbed._

_That slimy bastard…_

&&&

Snapping her eyes open, she realized she had been crying.

Wiping her tears away, she quickly closed her books, shoved them in her bag, and made a beeline for the exit.

Ironically, she couldn't think in here.

"Breathe," she said to herself. "You'll be alright."

She heard footsteps behind her. She turned around.

"James?" she asked.

He stopped, and stared blankly at her.

"Can we talk? Please?" she asked, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

"Why?" he asked, studying her.

"Because I'd like a chance to explain myself."

He seemed surprised at her remark. She felt her heart thump against her breast bone.

"Where?" he asked.

She looked around.

"In there," she said, pointing to an empty classroom.

He opened the door and stepped inside. She followed him, and closed it shut behind her. She slid her bag off her shoulder, and let it fall to the floor.

James turned around, leaned against a desk, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm listening."

"Okay," she said, sighing. "Look, I know when you caught Thomas and me, it didn't look right. But he was-- setting me up. He wanted to get back with me, and so he thought if you caught us-- well, it happened. But I never went back to Thomas."

He softened a bit, but his eyes were still hard.

"I don't know. I mean, you were with him, and you were kissing him back." He sounded as if he were going to cry.

It broke her heart.

"I know. I didn't want to-- but, I dunno, you were coming, and I knew it already didn't look right, so I just kissed him back. Instinct."

"Oh," he said rather nastily, "So you just kiss guys all the time?"

"No!" she said, shaking her head, almost near to tears herself. "No, it's not like that--"

But she didn't see how this was going to help. James, unfortunately, would never take her back. She had to realize that. Accident or not, you just don't go back to that person. She'd do the same thing.

"You know what?" she said, sitting down, holding her head in her hands. "Just leave. Go. I'm not going to try to make you understand, anymore. I wouldn't take me back, either. I am sorry, though. On any account."

And then, she heard him walk out of the classroom, out of the door, and out of her life.

And suddenly, and without warning, she threw her head back, and laughed. It really wasn't her real laugh, this one was fake and plastic, and forced. But she kept laughing, laughing until she couldn't breathe, laughing until she was pratically gasping for breath, and then, then she really did start to cry, big, choking sobs, and as she curled herself up into a little ball, her insides aching, and her heart crushed, she finally realized that she-- Lily Evans, smartest muggle-born...no, smartest witch in her year, had been, for the first time she could recall, stupid. Completely and utterly stupid.


	3. Chapter 3

**My Sweet**

Note: I'm glad that you guys are liking this story. This is the first time I've ever written Lily/James, and I'm glad it didn't turn out sucky. Also: I am really sorry about how short this is, but I totally needed this chapter in before I continue. And of course, please review!

_Chapter Three_

This won't be in parts anymore. I have a few more ideas of my own, so it'll be in chapters, now. Aren't you proud? Of course, this also means that most of you will get impatient to see where this is leading Lily and James, but-- you'll see. Again, I'm sorry about the length.

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A week later, Lily found herself dragging her feet down the stone steps, the only way one could exit the Divination tower. Lily really didn't know why she ever took the stupid subject in the first place; she certainly didn't have this so-called Sight, and even if she did, she wasn't sure that she would go around, and tell everyone about it.

She had seen James and his mates a few times this past week, but she tried to ignore him. Thinking about him, knowing that he even existed made her heart wrench, and a painful tightening in her stomach chewed at her. Usually, she pretended it was cramps, and she usually found herself spending the whole first period in Madame Pomfrey's office in the last four days, laying in a bed and drinking a disgusting potion to relieve them, and while drinking the horrid stuff, and managing to not puke it all up again, she wondered why she had ever landed herself here in the first place.

James. Right.

Of course, the fact that he seemed to ignore her too made the whole situation, if possible, about twenty times worse. It would have made her feel better if he would have just at least showed some interest in her mood, but no: instead she found him even more happier, always laughing and practicing jokes on unsuspecting students in the halls between classes, and the occasional professor or two.

Yes, if James would have at least showed some remote interest, then it would have been better. But he was doing a pretty good job of pretending she didn't exist.

And then, then she had run into Thomas. Sigh.

Thomas had been playful, trying to get her to go with him, just like he always used to, when they had been going out. But Lily wasn't inteterested, had never really been, but Thomas was persistant. Lily, with a sigh and roll of her eyes, had performed a charm that made him do a little jig everytime he walked, and sometimes, if he ran, it would turn into an all-out breakdance. It was pretty funny at the time, but she hadn't really felt like laughing at him, and after three days, had removed it.

He didn't speak to her again, didn't want to speak to her again, but Lily found herself not caring in the slightest. Thomas had always been a jerk, and there had always been the signs.

But thinking about Thomas always led her back to James. Somehow, it didn't seem fair. Sure, she had been caught red-handed, but she had tried to fight him off. She had only been protecting herself, and then James came along...

Her eyes filled with tears. Thinking about it, thinking about all the things she could have done to have avoided it...

No. She had stumbled upon this thought for far too long, and the hope that ate away at her was somehow comforting, but there was really nothing she could do...

She had thought about using a Time-Turner, but McGonagall would never go for that. Lily was clever, but she was never that clever.

She turned a corner, ready to go to the Gryffindor Common Room, where hopefully, she could do her homework in peace. Even though, most likely, James and his best friends would be there, no doubt experimenting jokes on students, she would do her best to ignore them. It was a promise she wanted to keep for herself.

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An hour later, she glanced down at her homework, a frown on her lips. But homework was the farthest thing from her mind right now.

She had entered the Common room, fully expecting to see him, but when she saw Sirius, Peter, and Remus over by a corner, each wearing smirks, she had a feeling that where ever he was, it wasn't going to make her feel any better.

"He's a bit preoccupied," Sirius replied with a smirk whenever someone would ask where he was. Lily noticed how loud he said it, as if he wanted her to hear it. Well, she did hear it, and she didn't like it.

She didn't find the situation the least bit funny. But then, Sirius always had a rather unique taste of what he thought was funny. Lily had learned that over the years.

Well, she couldn't take the smirks that burned into her back anymore. She needed a walk. She put her things away, and then left the Common room.

Where could--

Oh.

There was James, in the dimply lit corridor.

Lily couldn't breathe. Her heart slammed into her thoat, and she was trembling slightly.

His arms were around another girl.

_Kissing_ her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

Short, yet again. This is more of a filler-chapter, but important in its own sense. Enjoy.

_Chapter Four_

Note: There was one reviewer who asked to have a chapter in James' point of view. I'm sure most of you want to know what james is really thinking, so I'm thinking that will happen either next chapter or the one after that.

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Lily didn't know what made her do it: part of her was angry, red-hot angry, like a boiling pot of water spilling over the sides. She didn't know what made her do it; didn't know what force possessed her to do what she did. But there had been the violent, seething anger that had blossomed inside her so quickly--

Well, it didn't matter what caused her to do it. Something made her shove the girl away, and then, then she had...

She shook her head. She couldn't even finish the thought. It didn't even seem like she had done it, actually. If felt like she had been watching someone else...

But the next thing she knew, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had come rushing past her down the corridor, helping James up. The girl-- whoever it had been, had run off, probably to tell their Head of House, or something.

Lily, though not realizing she had done it, rolled her eyes at the thought; as of now, she really didn't care.

"Evans," Sirius replied coolly, his eyes flicking over her. "What did you do?"

"What do you think?" she snapped, placing a hand on her hip.

"Well, you certainly didn't give him a basket of roses."

Letting out a frustrated sigh, she looked away from him. Her eyes found James, who was looking at her with such a hate, that she couldn't look at him for more than a few moments.

Sirius wouldn't let it go, though. He whispered something to Peter and Remus, and they left, leaving James with Sirius. He wasn't looking at Lily, though. He was looking at the ground, as if that was really what he hated.

"Now," Sirius said, completely ignoring the fact that she was shooting daggers at him, "What did you do?"

"It's not even that bad."

"Hm, I'm detecting someone's a little jealous?"

That was it. The cherry on the sundae, the icing on the cake. Lily had had it with Sirius and his mockery.

"You know what?" she found herself yelling, "I'm jealous, alright? Is that what you want to hear? I hate the fact that James won't even look at me! I'm tired because I keep trying to win his affection back, but he doesn't care! I've apologized, I've pleaded, but it's your stubborn arse that keeps telling him not to fraternize with me, isn't it? You've never liked me, have you? But instead, like a child, you go around, acting completely immature, and you're so-- so full of yourself, that's the problem!"

Breathing heavily, and seeing the smirk on Sirius' lips that followed after her little episode, she whipped around, fists clenched.

"Well you know, something?" she asked in a low voice, still not looking at either of them, "I hate you. I hate both of you."

It was then, right then when her angry words she had yelled only a few minutes before sunk in, and they hit her hard. Merlin, why the hell was she still acting like this? She was a lot stronger than this-- stronger than James and his stupid friends. She hated the fact that she was acting so vulnerable-- she had done all she could, trying to win James back, and it was obvious that he didn't want her.

She faced them again.

James had placed a hand on Sirius' shoulder, as if telling him something that Lily would never understand. Biting her lip, she tucked some hair behind her ear.

"Lily," James said quietly.

She didn't answer him. Instead, she looked down at her hands, which were playing with the end of her cloak.

"This isn't how I wanted it to end," he said softly.

"Then why can't you forgive me? It wasn't intentional."

"I know," he said, looking at Sirius, and then she understood.

This _was_ about Sirius, or at least, this was about his friends, and what they thought he should do. Now, now she understood.

"Fine," she said, trying to be nonchalant.

It was silent.

"I'm-- sorry. About the cut." That was really all she could say. As she turned away from them, wishing it had been more clever, she wished that James had done something, anything to stop her.

But he hadn't. And that made her realize how serious this situation was.


	5. Please Read Sorry

Okay, I know all if you are hating me for this, because I know all of you really love this fic. Personally, I'm surprised I got as much feedback as I did, but...yeah.

First off, I'm going to end up deleting the fourth chapter, simply because I have no idea how to continue this story after that chapter. Yeah, I know, bitch at me, but do you want me to never update again?

Didn't think so.

So, I'm going to post up a new chapter in the next week and half or so.

Most likely.

No, I'm only kidding. I've been completely mean to you guys because I haven't updated in forever.

So...I'll be seeing you guys soon.

I just wanted you to know that I did not forget about you.

So...check out my other stuff until then.

Please?

3.


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